I got stood up again, by the same new friend twice in two consecutive weeks. That means he is reduced to a whatsapp friend on my mental friends list.
You may wonder how many friends or dates I have deleted off my mental friends/potential boyfriend list in a year. A lot. I value honor, integrity, commitment and punctuality highly. And I ask for the same from my friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have many acquaintances since I love networking but I keep a small circle of real friends.
Meeting new ppl is fun, and you always get excited about gaining a potential BFF. Sometimes I feel like I have met my next best friend or a possible date, but half of the time I can just rule them out by trying to make dinner arrangements with them.
I have zero tolerance on lateness or last minute canceling without proper explanation. I take such behavior as saying “I am so selfish I think my time is more valuable than yours. I don’t care if you are just waiting for me in the MTR station I’d rather stay in bed for another 30 minutes.”
One of my exes (yes the douche again) was a pathologically late guy, always making me wait at least 30 minutes or even hours whenever we went out just because he couldn’t get his damn hair look right!!! He thought I was being unreasonable to expect him to be on time on a day off. I took it as a sign of disrespect.
It’s not like I’m super mean and accept no excuses. I can always feel it when someone is giving me a sincere explanation. If someone is caught in traffic and can’t be on time, they’d call/text to let you know and are genuinely sorry. But for those jerks who would care less about your valuable time, they’d wait for you to call (or even dodge your call) and tell you they’d be in in 5 mins, but in fact you’d better go see a movie by yourself.
On standing someone up, I’m the person who likes to plan ahead. If I have saved the date for someone, I would not double book. So when someone suddenly tell me they are caught up at work/their cats died/their parents just had a heart attack, I’d feel like I have wasted the time I would have spent hanging out with some other friend.
Again, I know how to tell if someone has an illegitimate reason and is truly sorry: they’d tell you in advance, not only when you try to confirm the time and place; they’d propose an alternative date to make up for the dinner/movie/whatever the hack you guys were gonna do; they don’t just say, “I’m sorry, next time maybe.”
I had someone telling me they couldn’t make it because they are not feeling well, without even humoring me with a sorry. With them, I’d not even try to schedule again cuz they are not worth my time.
In another time, I tried scheduling with someone on a Monday for the weekend and I got the answer. “I don’t wanna make plans so early in advance.” At that moment I just knew the person and I should not be friends at all.
My rule is: two unexplained late arrivals or same day canceling, you are out. A promise is a promise. If you don’t share my value, why should we pretend we even like each other as friends? We have enough crap to deal with at work and elsewhere, why settle with your personal life?