What I thought I would be five years ago

Five long years have officially passed since I came back to Hong Kong. Almost nothing panned out as I had expected.

I’d like to consider myself more responsible and mature than other people my age. I like thinking ahead. While my fellow college friends were busy partying and drinking, I was doing everything I could to polish my resume. In my senior year, our school specifically required us to turn in a 5-year plan in order to graduate. I thought I had followed every step on the road to success, but I’m still surprised at how things almost always go stray.

1. Career
That’s nothing I care more than my career. A career, not a job. I thought journalism would be my life long career. I learned from the best journalists, did the most sought after internships, and got the most insane GPA. I knew journalists made shitty money everywhere, but I was okay about it because I thought I had enough passion to outweigh that. My love for journalism didn’t die down, I was just frustrated when I hit my bottleneck. I still have lots of respect for journalists and think journalism is one of the most noble professions on earth. What I do right now is nowhere near noble, but I get to pursue other noble causes and other things I like on the side, so I’m okay for now. But still, never in a million years would I have imagined I would be doing what I do now. This is so off the rail.

2. Relationship
Unlike most girls/women my age, I have zero maternal instinct. Even when I was in my late teens, I have always had this feeling that I would marry late, around or after 30. So far it holds true. I’m still unmarried and there is nothing I want less than kids. I’m also skeptical of the institution of marriage due to the many marital problems I have witnessed. I will get marry if I ever meet the guy who can sweep me off my feet, but I will always be prepared.

3.Family
Five years ago i had a pretty f–ked up family. Five years later I still have a f–ked up family, if not worse. I can’t even get into it cuz this will take my five hours to write up.

4. Education
Definitely the one single thing that has fallen though in my plan. I have always known that my education wouldn’t stop at my bachelor’s degree, and I was right. After three years of keeping a full time job and going to school part time, I finally graduated with my master’s with ordinary grades. My only regret is that I didn’t get to have a 4.0 GPA, but I will still be happy if I get to be first in class. Despite my fear of Math, I’m planning on getting an MBA next year. I will never rule out the possibility of getting a PhD as well cuz academia / universities are where I feel completely comfortable and competent. Let’s see how it works out…

5. Side jobs
I became a published writer and columnist. It was so out of the blue. This is also very ironic. I worked so hard to try to be someone who can make a living by just talking, but I never worked particularly hard on writing. Somehow God decided to give me this talent on English writing and one thing leads to another. Now my writing skills are what keep me employed and pay for my clothes and shoes and cosmetics. Having published three books may be a big deal for someone, but to me it’s just another thing to add on to my lengthy resume. I’d rather be a weather girl :p

6. Friendship
I’m the worst friend ever. I make friends easily but I’m terrible at keeping them. Not that I do things to piss people off so they decide to unfriend me, I’m just super picky when it comes to choosing close friends and I lose interest in people too quickly. I can go to a party by myself and immediately befriend anyone and instantly we are BFFs for the night, then the sun comes up and I no longer talk to the person. I guess I just love charming people and drawing them to me with my finest. Another major trait I’ve observed in myself is how I quit a social group if I can’t be the center of attention. That has happened many times, I probably would have strived to be the queen bee had I gone to an American high school. Watch out, Blair Waldorf! The funny thing is that at different stages of my life I have different good friends that I see and talk to all the time. They also come and go over the years, but my real BFFs pretty much remain the same and we don’t even see or talk to each other that often.

This blog post may seem a little depressing, but dont get me wrong. It is not to imply that things have gotten worst. They are just so far from what I had imagined. Reflecting on my past definitely makes me reconsider my approach to life.

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About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
This entry was posted in dating & relationship, family, friends, identity crisis, school, work and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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