A few weeks before I finished my first draft, a friend of mine, who is in the music industry, had warned me,
“Be prepared for feeling lost after you wrapped up your project. You’re gonna miss your characters. You love them.”
I have been working on my manuscript nonstop for months until I finally submitted it to my beta reader friends. Right now, I have nothing to edit, nothing to write. I’m even done obsessing with the layout and everything. It has only been two days, and I’m feeling very very lost.
Suddenly it’s like waking up without a job to go to (although I sort of have other work to do, i still need to pay the bills, unfortunately). It’s going to take a few days until they finish reading and commenting. I will have a few days to revise and send the second draft to my editor, who will take about two weeks to edit. I can only imagine myself sitting at home waiting for my edit to come back!
I’ve always known that when I finally see my baby on the kindle store/iBooks store, i’m gonna cry like a mother seeing her child graduating summa cum laude (my mom, perhaps?). I just didn’t think I would feel like this right now. I miss being able to experience everything my characters experience, to feel their pain, to find ways to overcome challenges ahead of them, and to submerge myself in the epic love that I singlehanded created.
I made sure my characters aren’t perfect, but they are perfect to me. I cried when Josh told Violet how turning into a vampire finally made sense to him because he had to meet her. He had waited 200+ years to meet her. Damn, that’s the epicness (not even sure if that’s a word, cause’ safari is underlining that, but i don’t care) that makes my heart sore. It was so beautiful, so heart wrenching in a good way. Seriously, I’d just give anything to be with a guy who can write error free English.
I remember reading Jane Austen’s Persuasion and Northanger Abbey (not a big fan of Pride and Prejudice, too cliche IMO) and thinking to myself, I just wish there was a guy like Captain Wentworth/Mr. Tilney. People always think of Jane Austen as this kind of fairy godmother type who knows everything about love. They forget Austen was never married. I didn’t think too much into it until now. I know why she remained single all her life. When she was able to create heros like Captain Wentworth and Mr. Tilney, who are just so freaking hot and romantic and funny and love the heroines despite all her flaws, how do you “settle” with real man?
Fellow writers, do you fall in love with your own characters? How do you cope? Am I doomed to be a spinster because I literally created the man of my dreams who doesn’t exist?