Almost every guy friend of mine acts excited and all proud when they hear that I’ve finished writing a 80,000-word manuscript. They go, “That’s really great! What is it about?”
When it comes the moment I say, “Vampires,” they frown. They don’t even want to hear about the historical and political elements and all the research I’ve done for my novel Florid Eyes.
I guess it is safe to say that 90 percent of men just dread the word vampire. They are okay with (or even love) zombies, but not vampires. I’m making a huge assumption here. I think most men can relate to zombies better than vampires. They are not threatened by zombies, but they are definitely threatened by vampires.
It’s so much easier to be a zombie than a vampire. Zombies are gross (except R in Warm Body). Zombies don’t have to look dashing. Zombies eat anything (preferably humans) and don’t have to shower. Isn’t that the dream of every guy? On the other hand, it’s so hard to be a (modern) vampire. First of all, you have to look clean shaven and muscular and extremely hot. You have to be able to romance women into giving you what you want. You need to be good in bed. Damn, that’s a lot of hard work. It’s basically trying to be Ryan Gosling. No wonder men don’t like vampires. I wonder if men like Ryan Gosling.
People have asked me many times why I wrote about vampires. Men have said to me if I could have written just a regular love story, they would have been more willing to read it. Being a very stubborn writer (or individual that I am in general), of course I won’t change my story just because men are jealous of vampires. Vampirism itself is about the most romantic theme I can think of.
I have read a ton about vampires and why women love vampires. To be honest, I was disappointed that it seems like everything I have found points toward the beauty, sex appeal, or forbidden love nature of a relationship between a vampire and a human. That’s is not what drew me in the first place. Romeo and Juliet is about beauty, sex appeal and forbidden love. Who am I to criticize William Shakespeare? But it doesn’t blow my mind.
What I love so much about vampire romance is the notion of forever. When a human guy tells a girl he will love her forever, even if he means it, we all know the love has a shelf life. Of course, you can challenge me on how true love never dies blah blah blah, you get what I mean. When a vampire falls in love, in deep love, when a vampire tells a woman he will love her forever, he really has the power to do it, as long as he stays faithful. I don’t mean the woman has to become a vampire herself to be with him forever. What I mean is the love he has for her has the potential to stay forever along with his immortality.
The second reason I love vampires so much is the prolonged wait. Unless the vampire is a newborn, I’d assume the vampire should have been around for a lot longer than his love interest, not decades longer, I’m talking about centuries, otherwise it would be as creepy as Hugh Hefner dating 20-year-olds. A centuries-old vampire has to have seen or slept with tons of women. If you have been with more than a thousand women, I bet nothing can wow you anymore. It is every woman’s desire to be special to the man she loves, to be the only jewel in his eyes, to be so unique that no other woman could even compare. If a vampire who is immune to females has got an eye for you, how freaking special must you be? Let’s do the math. Say, a 300-year-old vampire runs into at least one stranger woman a day, that will be 300 years x 356 women = 109,500 women. They are all nothing to him. He seduces them, sleeps with them, feeds on them, then moves on to another beauty. One day the vampire and you have this “meet cute” moment like in every romantic comedy starring Jennifer Anniston or Meg Ryan. Boom. He thinks you have the brightest smile and cutest quirks and declares he has loved no one before you, that the previous 300 shitty years now makes sense. I don’t know about you. I can just feel my heart melt.
I never thought I am the kind of girls who is into bad boys, but I guess vampires are the ultimate bad boys. To me, it doesn’t have a whole lot to do with his super handsomeness (though it will be a HUGE bonus), how many tricks he knows in bed or his fortune. It has everything to do with making a lady feel like she is his one in a million.
Call me a hopeless romantic.