If you are a stranger who has a chance to look at my Facebook statuses, you may think I’m an emotional drama queen. I update my status like 10 times a day. One moment I’m over the moon about some tiny thing, the next I declare the world sucks. Five minutes later I’ll post some inspiring Steve Jobs quotes to tell myself to never give up.
People say when one door closes, another opens. I must say I have experienced many ups and downs in the past year. It is like every time my hope is crushed, I hear a piece of good news the next day. The same goes with good things, though. Every time I get my hopes up, something bad will happen.
I don’t wanna be cynical or pessimistic because I’m done with that “the world hates me” period, but I am aware that neither happiness and sadness lasts. I have a friend who has a very reserved persona. He doesn’t go super happy and jump up and down when he is excited (I jump up and down for just getting ice-cream), but he doesn’t get super upset when shitty things happen either (I overanalyze every bad sign). He told me that way he doesn’t have to go through the emotional roller coaster. I guess he has a point, but I don’t think that will work for me.
The joy I experience when I let myself loose and submerge in happiness when things do go my way is too important and too memorable. For me, I just have to learn to contain sadness, disappointment, and shame when things don’t go my way. I think I’m getting better. My window for self pity has shrunk recently. This morning I was super pissed about a jerk for sabotaging my plan C. In the past, I may cry and ask my friends and mom why the world is so unfair. Today I just made a few curses and badmouthed him to my friends after I hung up the phone, then I reminded myself how every humiliation and disappointment I go through will make sense the day I succeed.