When I was accepted to Brown University after having been rejected by so many other PhD programs and jerks alike, I said I would never let another rejection get under my skin again. I know I’m good, and I have literally one of the best schools in the world confirming that. Unless that my next rejection comes from another Ivy League, the person really has no right to reject me.
I’ve lived up to my vow. 🙂
I’ve experienced some rejections lately. I can only imagine how the same me, only a year ago, would have acted so differently. I would have cried my heart out and entered into the usual bitter or self loath mode. I would have asked all my friends how the world could be so unfair and why God hated me so much. I’m so surprised and proud of myself this time around. Even my best friends have told me they were proud of the maturity I’d shown.
I’ve allowed myself to be mad or upset for a little bit, even cry a little if I had too. I had reasons to be angry or sad, but I didn’t fall into depression. I didn’t even go into the “your loss, not mine” self deception. I didn’t dismiss those rejections. I accepted them. I held my head high, and I exited with grace. I’ve just come to terms with the fact that there are so many things we can’t control in life. We can only control what we can control. If I’ve honestly tried my best and things still don’t turn out the way I want, being depressed won’t change a thing.
I do believe that things happen for a reason. The rejection that comes today will only lead me to somewhere I truly belong. I have faith. I trust that one day when I look back, all these rejections will make sense. I will be able to laugh about it. Although I’m upset right now, I look back to the rejections I experienced years ago, I think about how devastated I was, I only noticed how they’ve made me stronger.
Even though it seems like I’ve nothing, I do love myself more now than ever. I am able to truly love myself, to stop comparing myself to others, to be able to look into the mirror and be genuinely convinced that even though I don’t look like a movie star, I’m still beautiful. I know I’m special. I don’t need anyone to tell me that. I’m unlike everyone else. I’m passionate. I’m headstrong. I don’t let people sway me. I’m confident. I’m idealistic. I don’t care about material things. I only do what I love to do. I care about my students. I’m obsessed with things I love. Something this special isn’t gonna be loved by everyone, but when it does, the person has gotta have really good taste.
I do want to be liked. I hope you’ll like me, readers, but even if you don’t, it’s okay. It’s not gonna break me anymore.