A little update on the PhD application front (skip if you don’t care):
I woke up today and got an email rejection from the university which has been stringing me along for months. They said they couldn’t find me a supervisor. I was like, “Oh well,” and then I got up and started getting ready for my day. Later on I was surprised at how cool I was with the rejection. It was so unlike my first rejection back in February! I didn’t cry, but I felt so rejected as a PERSON. I felt like I was not as good an academic as I made myself believe. I felt totally like a LOSER with a capital L (and every other letter). Call it self-growth!
Of course, I think it has a lot to do with the progress I’ve been making with the other school. I’ve been in constant contact with my future supervisor, the graduate studies coordinator and the graduate school. It makes me feel like I’m finally a legitimate contender. Also, I’ve gained a lot of understanding with the grad school admission system because I’ve been bugging my MIT professor friend so much lately. I genuinely understand admission has a lot to do with “fit” and publication than you as a person.
When I left home I checked my mail box (the real one which contains letters) for the first time in ages, I got my first airmailed letter from Brown. They approved my deferral (long story: accepted without funding). I still don’t think I can raise 60K to attend this Ivy League in a year’s time, but it’s still super nice to be reminded that you can be worth nothing in one’s eyes but a lot in another’s. Suck it, rejections.
And what if I do get rejected by this school I’ve been in contact with later? Of course I’m gonna cry and whine and bitch about it, but I’ll deal with that when it comes. Good day. 🙂