I’ve grown so numb to rejections

A little update on the PhD application front (skip if you don’t care):

I woke up today and got an email rejection from the university which has been stringing me along for months. They said they couldn’t find me a supervisor. I was like, “Oh well,” and then I got up and started getting ready for my day. Later on I was surprised at how cool I was with the rejection. It was so unlike my first rejection back in February! I didn’t cry, but I felt so rejected as a PERSON. I felt like I was not as good an academic as I made myself believe. I felt totally like a LOSER with a capital L (and every other letter). Call it self-growth!

Of course, I think it has a lot to do with the progress I’ve been making with the other school. I’ve been in constant contact with my future supervisor, the graduate studies coordinator and the graduate school. It makes me feel like I’m finally a legitimate contender. Also, I’ve gained a lot of understanding with the grad school admission system because I’ve been bugging my MIT professor friend so much lately. I genuinely understand admission has a lot to do with “fit” and publication than you as a person.

When I left home I checked my mail box (the real one which contains letters) for the first time in ages, I got my first airmailed letter from Brown. They approved my deferral (long story: accepted without funding). I still don’t think I can raise 60K to attend this Ivy League in a year’s time, but it’s still super nice to be reminded that you can be worth nothing in one’s eyes but a lot in another’s. Suck it, rejections.

Proof that I'm not BS-ing about my Brown acceptance

Proof that I’m not BS-ing about my Brown acceptance

And what if I do get rejected by this school I’ve been in contact with later? Of course I’m gonna cry and whine and bitch about it, but I’ll deal with that when it comes. Good day. 🙂


About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
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