A companion, not a protector or provider

I drove an hour to visit my aunt and uncle tonight. At dinner, my aunt talked about how her friend’s daughter is a 60-year-old spinster. My cousin, younger than me by four days and married, asked me if I planned to ever get married. Apparently being highly educated is a very unattractive trait in the eyes of men. Before I could come up with a respectful answer, my aunt cut in, “Of course she does, she just needs to find a well-off man.”

I appreciate her intention. No woman would want to marry a guy who can’t manage his finances or is in serious debt (student loan doesn’t count), but my aunt couldn’t be more wrong.

There is something about my look that often gives people the wrong impression about me. People always assume that I’m either a party girl or a gold digger, or both, but I’m neither. If I wasn’t trying to save up for my PhD, I’d be perfectly content with making very little money as long as I get to do what I love and find meaningful. I’m such a dreamer. I care about actuallzing my dreams more than anything. Money has never been what I’m after because I don’t need it to prove my worth.

People also get mistaken that I’m only attracted to guys who are successful or very smart because of my so-called accomplishments. I do admire people who are successful and very smart, but I don’t know if I really want to be romantically involved with someone like Christian Grey (let alone that S&M part). I can’t be with someone who thinks I’m inferior to them. I can’t be someone’s charity case. I won’t be the kind of woman to stand behind my husband. I will only stand beside him. That’s why I’m not particularly drawn to the Alpha male type either.

I have said time and again how Josh in Florid Eyes: A Novel is what I want in a guy. Josh is no Edward from Twilight or Stefan/Damon from The Vampire Diaries. Josh kinda sucks at protecting Violet, but Violet isn’t Bella or Elena. She’s strong enough to protect herself. She doesn’t need a protector or provider. All she needs is a companion who gets her and is there for her in her pursuit of whatever she wanna be.


About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
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