One day job + five side jobs, not to mention a bunch of unpaid work.
I thought I worked really hard in college. I remember the nights I could stay in the editing booth working on my assignments pass the cafeteria’s closing time. I thought I worked hard when I was full time teaching and part time studying for my master’s. I remember how I used to carry my big thick text book with me everywhere so that I could highlight important points when I was commuting to or from work.
God knows I could work THIS hard now. I came home from work at 11pm today, which hasn’t been usual lately. I pretty much just threw myself on the bed once I came out from the shower. My social life has reduced to facebooking and whatsapping.
It’s really exhausting. Most days my legs just fill like giving up from all those walking around in high heels. It’s a lot of work, but I’m still doing what I love most in the world. I’m teaching, I’m writing, and I’m getting paid to achieve my PhD dream at the same time. My friend thinks I’m no less hardworking than Violet, the inspiration I’ve created for myself, from my book Florid Eyes: A Novel.
There are times I wish I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth so that I could have accepted that offer from Brown and begin my Ivy League education in two months, but there is one thing I know for sure. When I do save up enough to go back to school again, may it be Brown or any PhD program, I’ll treasure that opportunity more than any PhD candidates because every bit of that tuition or every cup of ramen noodles come from my hard earned money. I’ll never let myself quit no matter how hard it’s gonna be. Even if I hated it, I’d make myself finish that dissertation because once upon a time, it was all that I’d ever wanted.
You can call me a loser who won’t get real, a professional student who refuses to grow up. I’m still proud of myself.