Dear me in September 2012

I wish I could go back in time to September 2012 and told the girl who thought she had nothing to live for that a year later she would be at the prime of her life.

This is the place I was a year ago:

  1. My self-esteem was crushed
  2. I was jobless
  3. I had nothing to identify to
  4. I had little saving
  5. I missed teaching badly
  6. I was upset because I got cheated out of finishing with the highest GPA in my master’s graduating class
  7. I thought I could never adapt to working in an office environment because of the gossips and politics
  8. I didn’t know if I should really go for a PhD
  9. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life anymore
  10. I was abandoned by an asshole who faked a future with me
  11. I thought my education was useless, like everyone had been telling me
  12. I thought life was unfair and sucked in general


If I could, I would tell that sad girl in a year’s time, in September 2013, things would be like this:

  1. I KNOW I want nothing more than getting a PhD
  2. I have TWO PhD offers(!!!!!!!) and an IVY LEAGUE master’s offer (!!!!!!!!!)
  3. I got appointed to lecture a master level course at my alma mater, the very same one I got cheated out of
  4. I wrote a full length novel
  5. I discovered my real passion for writing
  6. I have a Corp Comm job that allows me to write all day long without having to pitch stupid stories like a telemarketer
  7. I love my office, boss and colleagues
  8. I’m teaching again
  9. I have more job(s) than I can take
  10. I make enough to be able to save for my education
  11. I can drive by myself
  12. My education is definitely NOT useless
  13. I have set my priorities straight
  14. I am more confident than ever!


The best thing is, I don’t feel like an impostor anymore. Of course I’m very grateful for all these wonderful things happening, but I am not overwhelmed or freaking out. This is not luck. I would tell the girl she has been planting the seed for her future success without even knowing:

  1. I wouldn’t have been accepted to these wonderful PhD programs had she not written an undergraduate honors thesis 6 years ago
  2. I wouldn’t have been able to make up for my lack of research experience if she hadn’t had kick-ass GPA in college and grad school (master’s)
  3. I wouldn’t have been such a fast writer now if she hadn’t spent two years writing 2-3 newspaper articles a day as a reporter
  4. I wouldn’t have learned how to write properly if she hadn’t gone to journalism school despite everyone’s opposition
  5. I wouldn’t have met the friend who referred me to this company if she hadn’t become a reporter
  6. Teaching wouldn’t have become so easy to me now if she hadn’t spent years perfecting her skills
  7. My professor/lecture at my alma mater wouldn’t have put in good words for me if she hadn’t been such a good student
  8. I wouldn’t have rediscovered how much I love teaching if she hadn’t taken some time off teaching to try what was out there
  9. I wouldn’t have accomplished all these things if she hadn’t thought she had nothing to lose!

About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
This entry was posted in dating & relationship, family, Florid Eyes: A Novel, friends, health & exercise, identity crisis, motivation, school, teaching, TV & movies, work, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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