Stop insulting me. I won’t give up my PhD

I wish good hearted older people could stop telling me getting a PhD would make me less eligible! As if this stupid reason could change my mind and realise,

“Oh. You’re indeed very right! Was I out of my mind? Who cares about education and personal accomplishment and making a dent in the universe? I should just marry whoever available and make babies because this is what womanhood is all about! A woman is no real woman without the magical “Mrs.” in front of her name!”


I’m way more worried about being overeducated for a real world job than marriage after graduation. Even if it was true, it would be a price I’m willing to pay. I didn’t wake up yesterday and decided it was fun to get a PhD. This idea had been nagging me for years until I had the guts to apply over and over again until it finally becomes a reality. It isn’t a reckless decision like getting a shotgun wedding at Vegas.

It’s such an insult that people think I will trade my dream, my being, my life-long pursuit, for a misogynist who only likes me because I’m beneath him.

Some people are born to change the world, not to be soccer moms.


About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
This entry was posted in dating & relationship, dream, Phd, school and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Stop insulting me. I won’t give up my PhD

  1. Brenda says:

    I support you. An education is never wasted, and mine was not wasted on me, despite my being the primary caregiver to three kids (and soccer mom is not so far off although I prefer music mom). I give my kids good advice, and I make informed choices about our lives, which should help them in the world. Further, I did great work prior to the kids coming along, found an educated husband who loves my strengths and I have skills I use daily. You are getting your degree for you, remember, not for them. Peace and Joy, Brenda

    • Nicky says:

      Thanks!! i hope you didn’t take my soccer mom line the wrong way. I’m okay with people who stay at home and raise kids. Just not me. At least not at this point of my life. I just want to do what I love, which is to teach and learn and write, and challenge myself to do something only so few could accomplish. You must be a good mom!

      • Brenda says:

        I was not offended. I love being home with my kids, but I need my own thing, too. Not everyone does, but I do. You’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be you. Be you, the best you know how, and let the chips fall where they may. My dad tried to tell me college and graduate school would be useless for me, but I think he would see now that it was not. It’s really hard to go against your family. Really hard. But only you can decide for yourself.

      • Nicky says:

        Yes! That’s very true! We are responsible for our own happiness! My parents are supportive of my pursuit of education (not objecting=supporting ;)) which I’m grateful. It’s just annoying that many people are still so narrowed minded these days

      • Brenda says:

        At least no one tried to marry you off as a child as happens in some parts of the world. I’m so happy that your parents are supportive. The others have their own issues they are dealing with.

  2. John Wan says:

    Nicky, you gave up a good job to go after your dream …… a doctoral degree. For that, I tip my hat to you. You’re doing the opposite of what I did many years ago. I quit graduate school many years ago for a job. I’ve regretted that decision ever since.

    • Nicky says:

      thanks!!!! your comment confirmed my belief. it was a VERY hard decision because i could see myself advancing in this company and leading a comfortable and stable life, one that many people dream of, but i also know that i will regret it more if i don’t take the chance. i told my boss i know i’ll never do it later in life if i don’t do it now, and she agrees. I think when i get promoted to a more senior position, the only logical thing i may do is an MBA, but i don’t like business. i’ll only be doing it for my resume, not for self fulfilment.

      • John says:

        Ah, self-fulfillment. You took the words right out of my mouth. Follow your heart, it will lead you to a happier place. “20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do ……….” Mark Twain

      • Nicky says:

        yes!! what if’s are the worst! what were you studying and why you gave up? if you don’t mind me probing. perhaps you shouldn’t really “regret” it if it was the most informed decision you could have made at that time. Everything happens for a reason.

      • John says:

        Biology. I traded what-if for a steady paycheck. Post doc studies would mean stints at different universities in different cities. Also the odds of clinching a professorship didn’t look that good at the time.

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