I finally brought myself to reject the PhD offer of my favorite school because of funding. I’ve been aware for quite sometime that it would have to come down to this, but I just couldn’t reject it because sending the email would mean this fantasy is over for real.
It has to be though. I’ve already paid my tuition for another school. I got my visa yesterday, and I’m gonna buy my plane tickets tomorrow. Everything is up and running. In a few weeks, I will be starting over in a different city.
I’m a little nervous but very excited about the prospect of going to my future school. My supervisor and I share similar background. We were both American educated and like studying pop culture. He is very kind and made me feel welcome when I mistakenly thought the department didn’t want me, but I guess I was still hoping for miracles to happen with my first choice. I was secretly hoping that one day out of the blue, they would realize they really wanted me to attend, that somehow they could be able to fork out the money to fund me.
That’s why I had waited and waited and waited with the offer in my hand until they politely asked me today why I still hadn’t registered.
At first I wanted to play coy to just say I couldn’t go because they wouldn’t fund me, hoping they would give me a counter offer. After contemplating different scenarios, I decided to be honest and added the line informing them I will be attending school B. I know by doing so I really have closed the door, but it is the right thing to do.
I want to start afresh at a place that truly wants me, a place where my potential will be appreciated.
I shouldn’t be hung up on a school that leaves me feeling only semi-wanted.