Having kids is a selfish act

I think the natural state of life is sadness. If we all sit there and do nothing, we will eventually die of starvation. To survive, we need to make sacrifice, either our time to enjoy life or even our dignity, depending on how far you’d go. To be happy, you need to maintain a constant, positive attitude. Sometimes it involves willingly turning a blind eye to sufferings and injustice around you.

This world is cruel. I don’t see the point of bringing an innocent life to it. A child is the product of two individuals often because they think they are “in love,” but to me, two being in love has nothing to do with bringing a child to this world to suffer. I know there is no way to seek permission of the child before he/she was even born, but I do believe you have a choice to not create more sufferings. Life is by-nature is hard. It’s easy to be sad and harder to stay happy. Parents could do everything they can to try to make their children happy, but they could only do so much. Everyone is destined to feel sad at some point of their life. You may try to protect your children, but over-protection can only lead of sadness. No matter what you do, the product of your love, the one thing that you love so much, will experience pain in life because of your decision to be a parent.

I want to make it clear that I don’t advocate suicide because it brings sadness to others. I do very much advocate happiness and people making the most of life. I only advocate that because we are already here. There really isn’t much what existing humans can do other than living their lives to the fullest. I’m in general a happy person, but I really, really try. It requires a lot of handwork and wishful thing and self motivation. If I had tried this hard to be happy, I would have been in a much more depressed state.

What I want to say is, I don’t particularly celebrate parents who sacrifice for their children. I don’t think parenthood is this super awesome thing people make it out to be. Yeah, parents may be happy as they watch their kids grow, but what about the sufferings the kids also go through? Late night studying for exams? Heart breaks? Getting fired? Divorces? Illnesses? Being good parents is their responsibly, their duty. Like pet owner, you need to feed your dog and walk your dog and take it to the vet when it is sick. Don’t brag about being good dog owners. You are only doing what you should do because this is what you’ve signed up for.

In many ways, I admire people who devote themselves to helping others not related to them by blood even more, like the parents of Steve Jobs. These are truly selfless people.


About Nicky

Nicky English is a journalist, an educator, a podcaster, a couch potato, a dreamer, and a child at heart. Learning is her passion, so is the English language, which she believes is the tool to unlock the door of knowledge. Born in Hong Kong, she received intensive writing training at The University of Iowa, where she double-majored in journalism and political science. Apart from the Hawkeye State, she’s lived in Chicago and Philadelphia. When she was a guest student at Georgetown University, she fell in love with Washington, D.C. She also has a Master of Arts in Communication. A little side note—she cannot imagine a world without her Mac and iDevices. Like many crazy ones, she hopes to change the world one day at a time.
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One Response to Having kids is a selfish act

  1. Brenda says:

    I suppose being a parent is selfish, but it’s more than that, too. Being a good parent requires real effort and drive. Every day. Every minute of every day, modeling good behavior, setting aside your own needs, advocating for your kids, trying to financially provide for five instead of just one, trying to understand and accept the kids when they aren’t necessarily returning the favor. I don’t think you can take their effort for granted and say, well, that’s the job, who cares. Some parents right left and center abdicate, don’t do a good job. Then what happens to the kids whose parents abdicate? Their friends and other parents try to fill the role. When you have kids, you also interact with their friends, try to help them all manage social interactions, try to understand and be part of the larger world, prepare them to hold down jobs one day. Our culture would fall apart without the work of parents. Dogs don’t build cell phones, launch satellites or write the software for machines to do the tedious jobs. Kids grow up to do all this. I do agree that the parents of adopted kids are stellar. But why dis other parents? As for suffering and sadness kids go through, parents’ hearts break for them, too. As a parent, you hope what your kids go through makes them stronger, smarter, more confident in the next crisis. As a parent, you’ve been through some stuff, too, like childbirth, which is not a walk in the park. Parents know that life is hard, but we think our kids are up to it. We hope so. I’m only trying to be a good parent. I’m not sure I’m up to being a great parent. My ego doesn’t stretch that far. I love my kids like crazy, though. I don’t regret bringing them into this world. They deserve their chance at life.

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